R.I.P: Death of the Ride or Die Chick!

18 Feb
Didn't really know what pic to use for this so I figured one of me in the car would be fitting. Lol :)

Didn’t really know what pic to use for this so I figured one of me in the car would be fitting. Lol šŸ™‚

The term ride or die has been around for as long as I can remember. I was born in ’87, raised in the 90s and 2000s, and I certainly remember hearing it countless times in rap and r&b lines. Now, like most things birthed out of black culture, it has become a common term in mainstream society. It’s a word used to describe a partner, usually a woman, who “rides” through thick and thin with his/her significant other. Let me first say, contrary to what you may think my stance is based off ofĀ this title, I’m actually pro ride or die. I have no issue with toughing out the rough patches with whomever you’re committed to. If your boo gets laid off, by all means, stick around and help him/her strategize a comeback plan. If he/she loses a parent and isĀ taking a little long to grieve it out, beĀ a rock and shoulder to cry on. Heaven forbid a car crash or sudden illness makes him or her more dependent on you, but in the event, muster up the strength to be the helpmeet you’re supposed to be. I get all that.

What’s a little confusing and quite frankly played out, is the overuse of this term in every situation–even unhealthy ones. There are times whereĀ being a ride or die goes a little too far. If you’re in what’s been established as an exclusive and monogamous relationship and your boyfriend or husbandĀ decides he wants to step out, not just one tenseĀ night but over and over again, then sticking around doesn’t make you a ride or die. That makes you a doormat.Ā Riding with your man while he has 20 kilos in the trunk and a glock in the glove compartment doesn’t make you ride or die either; just a high risk target and potentially another statistic with a mug shot.Ā As women, so many of us are taught that it’s our job to make sure men areĀ pleased by any means necessary. And while yes, part of a relationship is making the person you’re with happy, it shouldn’t have to be at the expense of your emotional and/or physical wellbeing.

I’m a firm believer that pure love doesn’t hurt. It may not always be easy, as life happenings arise, but when it’s there and solid between two people, it shouldn’t be damaging to the welfare of either party. When you’re in a relationship and you find yourself putting out more than you’re getting or crying yourself to sleep, it may be time to get real with yourself and question your love. Love may be somewhere in the mix, but it’s certainly not what’s at core of your relationship. It’s only a small drop in a puddle of insecurity, dependency and attachment. Sacrifice doesn’t mean sitting at home lonely and unhappy because he got 20 to life for a crime he knowingly and wrongfully committed without thinking about how the consequences would affect you. Unless he’s been wrongfully sentenced, or it’s aĀ Coretta-Martin situation and your man is out hereĀ challenging justiceĀ for the greater good of humanity, you shouldn’t be putting your life on hold while he’s in the clinker. And if he really loved you, he wouldn’t want you to.

Bottom line is, don’t be foolish. Utilize your God-given female intuition and wisdom to know when it’s time to move on. Ask yourself, if he caught me cheating and disrespecting our covenant multiple times, would he stay with me? If I was always broke because I couldn’t prioritize my responsibilitiesĀ and insteadĀ spent my money on shoes and cars, would he “ride” through unpaid bills for the 100th time? If I talked to him any kind of way and emasculated him day in and day out, would he tolerateĀ it and stick around? If he sincerely wanted to be married but I brushed him off every time he brought it up, would he just quietly hope one day I finally wanted to walk down the aisle? Would he let the father of my kids disrespect him in front of my face without me checking it? Don’t mislabel being too oblivious to the bull and too attached to leave as being a ride or die. Exiting a relationship when it becomes disrespectful and/or toxic doesn’t make you weak or someone who ran at the sign of trouble. It makes you strong, smart and one who’s truly mastered loving herself above anyone else. And in due time, a real ride or die will see that, respect itĀ and sweep you off your feet!

You’re a one-of-a-kind beauty. Be patient!

Love you much!

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2 Responses to “R.I.P: Death of the Ride or Die Chick!”

  1. Neshia February 18, 2014 at 1:20 pm #

    Essence,
    As always, fabulous article! Not only would I apply this to relationships, but friendships as well. We sometimes catch ourselves in toxic friendships, using “that’s my ride or die” as an excuse to maintain that friendship. That mentality can be just as dangerous in a friendship as it can in a relationship.

    Like

    • Essence February 18, 2014 at 4:59 pm #

      Very true! Thx for reading, Neshia šŸ™‚

      Like

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