Is It Ever Okay to Date a Friend’s Ex?

9 May

Teyana TaylorHey girlfriends!

On a recent Breakfast Club interview, singer/actress/stylista Teyana Taylor sat in the hot seat to talk her hurt surrounding actress and former friend, LaShontae Heckard, dating her ex-fiancé and first love, NBA baller Brandon Jennings. Even though Teyana has moved on to a new beau since her 6-year relationship with Jennings, she still had some unsettled feelings upon discovering his new romance with Heckard. The G.O.O.D. Music singer, however, was moreso anguished by the way she found out–via the blogs!!!–rather than the relationship itself, which is totally understandable.

Often times, though, in similar situations, as women we still get mad at our girlfriend even when she has the decency to express to us her genuine interest in our ex. When it comes to the terms and agreements of girl code, there’s a very visible line crossing off any kind of romance with your friend’s old lovers. Failure to agree to the unspoken rule may result in years of secrets and road trips coming to a sudden hault, as claws (hopefully the figurative ones and not the literal ones) are sharpened and prepped for war! I remember I too used to think it was completely unacceptable for a close friend to date her girl’s ex, but with age and a broadened perspective I began to think a little differently about the whole matter. If for whatever reason a couple didn’t work out, no matter how in love they once were, in my opinion there should be no such restrictions on who each person is or isn’t allowed to date. While I’m not denying the potential and justified feelings of jealousy or resentment in the initial stages of an ex and a homegirl finding love, it certainly shouldn’t be what drives apart a friendship–not a real one, anyway.

Last month I was on family vacation and my big sister and I were actually riding around and talking about this very thing. As we chatted about two BFFs we knew who were recently broken up because one dated the other’s ex, both of us shared the opinion that dating a friend’s ex isn’t really as big a deal as we often make it. What if in God’s mysterious plan I dated a guy and my only purpose in our relationship was to connect him and my friend, two people who ordinarily would not have given each other a chance? Our relationship together may have never been meant to thrive, but maybe it was meant to bring him and my friend into each other’s lives for a season or forever. There’s someone for everyone and if you and a guy didn’t work out, then obviously he wasn’t your someone. Who are you to determine if his someone isn’t your friend?

I do agree that a real friend shouldn’t scheme behind your back, but let you know that she and your ex may have a little chemistry, even if she thinks it’ll hurt your feelings. To me it’s only a matter of betrayal if it involves secrecy, like in Teyana’s case. I guess it’s one of those things that you probably have to judge on a case by case basis, as I’m sure there are exceptions to when a friend’s ex is completely off limits. But for the most part I think the bulk of our “can’t” reasons are based on pride and ego rather than any logical justification. What are your thoughts on this touchy subject though? Is it ever okay to date a homegirl’s (or homeboy’s if you’re a guy reading 🙂 ) ex boo? Take the poll and leave a comment below!

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