Dear World… On Behalf of Every Single Woman 25 & Up, Puh-Lease Stop Telling Us We Need to Settle Down.

28 May


“Can I live?”

About a month ago, I was visiting my fam in Georgia. I absolutely love my hometown, but the multiple reasons I packed and ditched still remain and are why I will never permanently return.  The south is such a beautiful region. Random strangers who smile at you because it’s Tuesday, lemonade that if not drunk responsibly will send you into diabetic shock, winters that only require a light jacket and stylish scarf, and churches on every corner are among the many signatures that make it so special. Over ranking all of those to me, though, is the strong sense of family; it’s literally everything. While I indeed love many of those southern ideals of family, I’ve always hated how it was painted to be a girl’s number one priority. Because of that, I never really felt like I belonged or fit in. It’s kind of crazy because I was so sociable and popular among my peers, but I still always felt really different and like I couldn’t freely talk with them about the things I wanted in life. Before you can spell your name good, you’re socialized to think that even more valuable than a career is growing up, marrying your high school or college sweet heart and having a few babies. While my girlfriends were doodling hearts and their wedding plans in 10th grade biology, I was strategizing how I was going to become a beauty icon turned businesswoman like Tyra Banks. I had my little crushes, but I didn’t date anyone seriously or exclusively and had no interest to do so. When my friends were boohooing over Timmy and how he made out with Sally at Jessica’s pool party, I listened and gave the obligatory “You’re like way too pretty for him, anyway” speech, but in my head I was genuinely confused as to why they were crying over a guy who just got the first two strands of his mustache.

In college I dated a few guys and was a little more invested than I was in high school, but my very unserious take on relationships was still there. Having a “man” wasn’t my defining point and falling in love wasn’t my aspiration, thanks to parents who nurtured my independent spirit. I didn’t judge my homegirls who romanticized about how their boo would propose one day, but that was so far from everything I wanted. Sure, I wanted to meet my Mr. Right one day and have his beautiful kiddies, but not then and not anytime soon. Explaining that over and over was so annoying, and my friends’ “Giiiirrrrl, you’re gonna be single forever!” responses were even more annoying. Too many times I felt like instead of them just accepting the fact that a relationship wasn’t my ultimate desire, they tried to diagnose me and tell me why my “male tendency” to date without serious intention was going to make me “miss out” on a “good man.” (My two best friends weren’t like this, by the way. They got me because they’re awesome.)

Fast forward a few years later and much hasn’t changed: I’m 27 and still nonchalant about dating, and the world, especially the one I’m from, is still obsessed. When I was home in April, a close family friend’s boyfriend, whom I had never met before, had the nerve to fix his stuck in the 60s lips and say to me, “You’re getting too old to be picky.” That comment, for the record, was in response to me saying, “I don’t get when women say, ‘I know my man cheats but he better not let me find out about it.'” Not only was I irritated at the implication that wanting fidelity was “too picky”, but I was irritated at the all too familiar way of thinking that I needed to put a rush on my dating life. To every man, woman, boy and girl who tries to make me and every other woman 25 and up feel like we better hurry up and find love before we die tomorrow, “SHUT. IT. UUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPP, ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” We get that true romance is your life pursuit, but please stop advising and judging us if we don’t share that dream when you feel like we should.

There is no law that requires us to be married and have kids by 30. When we say we don’t want children until somewhere between 35 and 37, please don’t look at us like a pity case and try to prescribe your unproven scoop-a-man quick theories from your unaccredited school of love. The same way you think we’re missing out on a man, we may think you’re missing out on life because you’re tied down to one. The same way you assume we’re broken and bitter from a traumatic heartbreak, we might assume that you’re empty, insecure and searching to fill the holes your father dug. For every time you tell us we’re going to be old moms, we could tell you you’re going to be a young one who has to retire her bikinis 10 years too early because of the mommy pouch you got at 25. For every time you say we’re going to be lonely if we don’t settle down, we could say your man steps out on you because the two of you settled down before he was ready. But we don’t say any of those things because, 1) we’ll be called a female puppy and a few other things, 2) we respect your choice and right to travel a different path than we travel, and 3) we get that maybe you just want to be in love, just like we want to be single, and it’s not a misguided attempt to resolve a psychological issue. Us only entertaining a guy for the two hours or so we’re chilling with him at a party and then putting him out of sight out of mind until the next shindig doesn’t reflect a deeper issue of commitment or trust issues. We’re perfectly okay. Our life’s work is not to try and “fix” you and convince you to live a carefree and spontaneous life like ours, so please don’t make “fixing” us and forcing us to see all that we’re “sacrificing” your life’s work. We’re single and independent thinkers and want to fall in love organically–not because it’s time according to your prehistoric standards.

Thank you kindly! ❤



3 Responses to “Dear World… On Behalf of Every Single Woman 25 & Up, Puh-Lease Stop Telling Us We Need to Settle Down.”

  1. sudom121 May 29, 2014 at 3:47 am #

    Couldn’t have said it better myself

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Christi May 29, 2014 at 10:20 am #

    Yes girl!!! I completely agree! When the time is right and you (and every other 25+ single and loving it person) are ready, God will place that person in your life that was specifically created for you! No need to prioritize your life based on other people’s priorities and timelines.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dan May 29, 2014 at 2:49 pm #


    Liked by 1 person

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