I’m Coming Home.

12 Sep

(I like to put a pic with every post and this random one of me at Hooters was the first I saw. Other than that, it has nothing to do with anything.)

Hey guys!

It’s been a minute since we last spoke. Fashion week was happening so I was running the city like a crazy woman. It’s usually really fun for me, and it still was some days, but stuff has just been overwhelming lately–professionally and personally.  You know those times where you have more thoughts and emotions than you have space in your brain? You still have daily stuff, like going to work, and on top of that, there are all these other things that you have to take on too: relationship drama, work drama, friend drama, family drama, self-reflection drama… car drama, the jacket you want but can’t afford drama, burned your grilled cheese drama, etc. And no matter how much you repeatedly tell yourself “This is only for a season. This is only for a season,” it doesn’t make the load feel any lighter in that moment.

I hate being in that space because it feels so helpless. I’ve never been one to relieve stress by disclosing my battles with many, and to the few people I do open up to, I never really open up all the way. #WorkInProgress. I can easily feel isolated and stuck because of that. When I see and talk to people, I pretend like all is good with my usual smile, and then I try to figure out everything later when I’m home. But each time I slowly but surely realize that there isn’t much to figure out. No matter how much I try to understand why this and that happened, when it happened, the way it happened, chances are I still won’t get it. It’s just life and its force is too big and complex to understand. Things happen in an instant with no real explanation, and the only thing I can figure out is how I’m going to deal with them.

My way of dealing is to “come home.” I return to the familiar and the essence of who I am and what I know. My familiar is my faith, and my essence is everything my faith promised that I would conquer and become before I was even born. When I first moved to New York for grad school, my heart told me it was the right decision and prayer confirmed it. Shortly after the move though, I went into shock (and the ugly, wugly cry) thinking, What have I dooooonnnnne? So far away from the family that I’m closer than close with, all by my lonesome, in a place that’s so cold in the winter time that you have to wear ugly coats that were designed to keep you warm and not stylish. After my Academy Award-worthy breakdown though, I slowly made my way back to peace. How? I went home, not back to Georgia, but to my faith. I reminded myself of how strongly I felt when I made the move and all the reasons why I knew in my gut that it was the right choice. I prayed and asked God that if I’d mistaken His voice to give me a sign. Every night and morning, I highlighted and read scriptures, like, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Sometimes when we’re dealing with our issues, we get so scared and overwhelmed by them that we completely lose sight of our core, or home. Home isn’t necessarily a location, but more so the root of who we are. If we can keep our root in the forefront of our struggle, we can usually navigate our way out of it. And in the process of us navigating, we restore some sense of peace so we’re not all crazy and emotional. Coming home reignites the fire; it reminds us why giving up is not an option. For me, home is my faith. For you home may be your kids, your talent, your curiosity, or your actual hometown neighborhood. It’s that thing or those things that feel most natural and trigger your heart to tell your brain what your purpose is, which decisions are best for you, and so on. In the words of whoever the wise guy or gal who said it first, “Home is where the heart is.” If you have trouble finding home, ask yourself what pulls at your heart the most, what calms your heart like nothing else can, what excites your heart like nothing else can, what is your heart most passionate about. Coming home doesn’t immediately delete all your problems, but it does remind you why those problems are (or are not) worth the fight. May you come home and find peace on the journey to your purpose.

“I’m coming home, I’m coming home. Tell the world I’m coming home. Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday. I know my kingdom awaits…” -Skylar Grey

Love you lots and lots ❤ ,

Essy!

Got the title from this song, by the way. Still a fave!

Advertisements

10 Responses to “I’m Coming Home.”

  1. Courtney September 12, 2014 at 2:23 pm #

    Absolutely love this!! The daily challenges that we encounter will keep us all returning to our faith for reassurance in our purpose and strength b/c Lord knows we’re constantly faced with times that make us question if the struggle is all worth it

    Liked by 1 person

    • Essence September 12, 2014 at 8:19 pm #

      Yes, girl! Thanks for reading ❤

      Like

  2. Karl Neal, II September 12, 2014 at 7:25 pm #

    I had just perfect timing to read this Lol @ the grilled cheese drama & random pic with nothing to do with nothing tho, ha!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Essence September 12, 2014 at 7:27 pm #

      LOL! Thanks for reading Karl! Glad it spoke to you. XoXo ❤

      Like

  3. Mikela September 13, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

    One of my favs as well! Your writing is on point! Its so genuine and relatable. May God continue to give you the desires of your heart and take you to higher heights. Love you!

    Like

    • Essence September 14, 2014 at 10:20 am #

      Love you my Mi-Mi! Just saw this comment. Thanks girl❤

      Like

  4. dgant55@gmail.comm September 13, 2014 at 11:28 pm #

    One of the most powerful pieces ever written. It ministers! Thank you E.

    Dan

    Like

    • Essence September 13, 2014 at 11:31 pm #

      That means so much! Thanks Daddy aka “D.” ❤ you!

      Like

  5. Tiara September 14, 2014 at 9:59 am #

    I couldn’t have stumbled across this post at a better time.

    The story about who you felt when you left Georgia to NY is exactly what I feel right now! “WTF AM I DOING!?”

    I left Georgia, THE WHOLE U.S to live in Italy and go to some other countries with another family and I thought things would be amazing and inspiring, which they are…but I was still questioning my decision and I broke down! But I will take this advice…because I know my purpose here will be worth it.

    Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ashley company September 17, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

    Great read Essy!!!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: