#FixMeJesus: An Ode to Phaedra, A Prayer for Self.

Forgive the background clutter. Tried to blur it as much as I could 🙂

Hey y’all!

Back in April, I was home visiting my fam in Georgia. As tradition would have it, my little God-sister Tenisha came by my parents’ house one night and stayed with me. While we were up chatting about boys, the grandeur that is Beyoncé, and everything else girl, she put me on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I know, I know. Of the 4 million-something viewers, I am not one. But I did watch the reunion On Demand with my chick-a-Tee (Tenisha), as she explained to me who was who and who was mad at who and why who was mad at who. Though I’m not one for most reality series, I must say, I was captivated and humored by the cast. Phaedra Parks, particularly, stood out with her squinted Black-church mother faces and clichés, like “Help her, Lord” and “Fix it, Jesus”–which she murmured every single time her archenemy Kenya spoke… which was every five minutes. The sayings were hilarious and reminded me of every 60-plus black woman in church I’d ever known!

“Fix it, Jesus” had long been a common three word prayer among African-Americans, and it had now become the new “thing” to say for everybody whenever someone or something was out of line–thanks to Ms. Parks. Social media went, and is still going, crazy with the hashtag #FixItJesus for everything from bad weaves to boo trouble. Most recently, I’d been reflecting on those words for my own life, asking God to fix personal situations. Career, family, health, all that good stuff. But it eventually struck me that instead of fixing “it,” I needed God to fix me.

While I was busy praying away what appeared to be inconveniences and roadblocks, it didn’t dawn on me that maybe those hurdles were there by purpose and I needed them to maximize my strength in certain areas. I had forgotten that everyone has a struggle and it typically doesn’t go away simply because we ask God to pretty please make it all better. Instead of praying #FixItJesus and begging that the things I found troubling be gone once and for all, I had to change my prayer to Fix my patience. Fix my perspective. Fix my vision. Fix my anxiety. Fix my motives. Fix my relationship with You. Just do an inside-out work and #FixMeJesus. I thought I needed an instantaneous change in situation, but more than that I needed a change in self. One that gave me enough faith to stay calm even in the midst of a storm.

So, now that I’ve had this Oprah Aha! moment, it’s my responsibility to apply it. Every second I want to pout, grunt, complain, and even cry, I have to do a self-check and ask God to help me 1) thank Him for all the blessings I overlooked, and 2) find the lesson in “it” all and utilize it in a way that will get me closer to my breakthrough. You and I are human, so of course we’re going to have a meltdown… or five. But the important thing is to quickly re-center and ask God to fix us so that we may handle each storm with grace, and then praise and prepare for the rainbows that are soon to follow.

❤ lots always,

Essy